This blog post, while being comic, has serious undertones to it. When I
worked, there were bottled water thiefs. I don't remember food missing
but
water certainly was.
To Catch a Shrimp Thief
Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 03:35:44 PM
http://blogs.browardpalmbeach.com/shortorder/2008/07/to_catch_a_shrimp_thie
f.php
Life in the New Times' offices is often exciting -- but nothing could have
prepared us for what unfolded today.
A coworker who shall remain unnamed brought in a spiral party platter of
cocktail shrimp for lunch; the kind where all the little buggers are
arranged around the tray in perfect fa****on, with a container of cocktail
sauce in the center. He went to the fridge around 11:30 to fetch his
snack,
when he discovered someone had tampered with his lunch. The thief pilfered
two shrimp, even going so far as to rip open the plastic seal on the
provided cocktail sauce and dunk away. We can't be sure, but the bastard
probably double dipped too. The culprit must've also been in a hurry,
because the cocktail sauce was quickly ditched elsewhere in the fridge,
and
tray was haphazardly shut.
Needless to say, I was on the case.
I immediately sent out a chain of e-mails letting everyone know that, yes,
we're aware there was a briny theft in the office today, and yes, we're
going to find that person and make sure he/she is brought to justice.
Here's an excerpt:
We will find you, and when we do, we will out you. We snuffed out the
popcorn-burning bandit - that was easy. [editor's note: popcorn burning is
another serious office crime] You are next. Go pop some mints now, because
your fishy odor is going to attract us like dogs. Dogs who bite. Dogs who
bite hard.
You might say I overreacted a bit. You'd be wrong. Inner-office food theft
is a serious issue. Not only is it insulting to the person whose food gets
stolen, it creates an environment where people don't want to bring their
own food into the office. The good news is I received an outpour of
e-mails
from other concerned coworkers, saying they would back any attempt to
capture and punish the shrimp thief 100%.
This begs the question: Do any of you work in an office with a food theft
problem? What have you done to combat shellfish larceny?
-- John Linn
--
Best license plate seen in a long time.
~ S CARGO ~
To email - michael at lonergan dot us dot com
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